Toxic Relationship

We have a lot of people around us and we live with them in society. Some people are good for us while some may affect us negatively. We have different relations with the people who are around us. Some of them can be toxic to you. You can feel the toxicity from anyone but today I’m gonna discuss the relation of a couple mostly teenager couples. Teenagers usually fall easily in love without knowing what love is. In a relationship the boy, as well as the girl, should have faith in their partner for a successful relationship but when the other person starts doubting you that’s where things start changing. You may never know when that small doubt could turn out toxic for you as you are so much into the relationship that you are ready to do whatever it takes to keep that person with you.

What is a toxic relationship?

A relationship that changes your self-esteem, the way you look around the world negatively is a toxic relationship. The relationship can start healthy but bad days, different opinions, bad history, etc contaminate the relationship, changing people in it. It can happen at any time to anyone.

Signs of a toxic relationship

“Be careful with what you tolerate, you’re teaching people how to treat you”. Look out for the signs of a toxic relationship, if you find yourself in a toxic relationship try to fix things out between you and your partner.

1. It always feels unhappy and sad

You look at other people and see the stuff they are doing and question why we aren’t doing that. You start becoming hollow and feel sad for where you are. Leaving the relationship is the toughest part but continuing it is the worst part. You will lose your strength, courage, confidence, and people if you continue being a part of a toxic relationship.

2. No privacy

Trust is the main ingredient of a healthy and long-lasting relationship. Unless you have done something to your partner that you shouldn’t be doing, he/she must have faith and trust in you. A relationship where your partner checks your messages, call logs, your bills, etc is surely a toxic relationship. The most common thing that happens with today’s generation is that they exchange their social media passwords to keep a watch on who their partner is talking with and this clearly shows a lack of trust.

3. Physical or verbal abuse

This is again the worst thing that can happen to anyone. You are supposed to be loved and feel special when in a relationship. If you are feeling any time of physical or verbal abuse you better leave that relation.

4. No effort

You can’t say you are painting just by holding a brush in your hand and doing nothing. In the same way, if you see no effort in a relationship then that relationship is pointless. Today’s generation thinks not caring is cool, talking abusively is cool but that ain’t the truth. An effort is cool, talking responsibility is cool.

5. All the love, work, compromise is one-sided

A relationship is more than just loving each other. It comes with responsibilities and both the people in the relationship should put equal efforts to make the relationship work. But if you are a constant giver in your relationship, you have to stop somewhere. We treat people accordingly the way we want them to treat us so you deserve all the love and happiness that you are giving to your partner. If you don’t receive the same thing then leave the relationship.

6. If there’s a battle you have to fight alone

A relationship is a team where you have to fight together against an odd. In a healthy relationship, when the world starts throwing stones at you, the couple sticks together and fights together. In a toxic one, when you are in trouble you have to walk your path alone. Similarly, when attempts are made to break such a couple they’ll easily separate as if they were not in a relationship.

Recently I had a call with my friend where she was telling me about her roommate who is in a toxic relationship. So that guy continuously spy’s on his girlfriend, they talk on phone calls 24*7, they always fight and that girl always cries whenever she talks with him. After listening to what my friend said I was so irritated that how can anyone tolerate such behavior. You have got one life so enjoy it to your fullest at least make good memories in your teenage rather than sticking around a person who always controls you. I am not judging that girl or her choices it’s just that if you are not happy with a person you can leave them. We should normalize leaving a person if he/she turns out to disturb your physical and mental health. An important thing which one needs to understand is that if you are in a relationship that doesn’t mean you are married. So stop acting like you are married and leave that person. I have also seen my close friend in a toxic relationship where the boy used to misbehave and used to threaten her. But there are so many beautiful souls out there with whom you can connect rather than being with the wrong person. There is a thin line difference between possessiveness and toxicity. If your partner is restricting you from doing a particular thing it may be because he is worried about you but lets you do it if you want to. What happens in a toxic relationship is you are continuously under the observation of a person. He/she controls you like what to do, what to wear but a person can never be yours if they try to control their partner. So keep in mind you can live a happy single life rather than living under someone’s pressure.

Conclusion

Making compromises is okay but if are feeling unloved or your partner doesn’t make efforts to keep you happy then talk to him/her and if that doesn’t work have the courage to leave the relationship. The main motive for choosing this topic is to make teenagers aware of what is good for them and what is bad. If someone reading this is in a toxic relationship unknowingly and understands it, takes courage to break up with that person. I write with the hope to make a positive difference in your lives and if anything good happens I’ll be more than happy for you.

Stop comparing yourself to others

Comparison takes place no matter what your age is you are always compared because of your habits and qualities on a daily basis.

Why do you compare with someone?

Everyone wants to live a successful life and parents wish the same for their children. But the comparison isn’t the right way to motivate them and push forward. Parents feel that this will enhance their child but the comparison will affect their confidence negatively.

As a human, we are always compared with each other. When I was a kid my family used to compare me with other kids. I was silent and so they used to say why you don’t talk much. Learn from your friends how to talk. Growing as a teenager my parents used to compare me with my friends. Your friends have so many talents and they are doing so well, you also learn to do such things.

This was about me but I have seen children comparing their parents or a couple comparing his/her partner with other couples. We are constantly comparing whether it is between people, the place where we live, or whatever it may be.

The comparison that kills you is you comparing yourself with others. I know it always happens when you see someone at first sight. You will compare your looks, the way you have dressed, your body with another person. But is it right? If that comparison is leading to a positive change in you then it is good but if not you should stop comparing yourself with others. Suppose I have a friend who is good at coding and singing and then I start comparing myself with her. What will happen when you will start comparing like this? The very first thing that will happen is you will doubt yourself; your confidence will fall off. You will criticize yourself; you will become angry or sad when that person achieves something great. One thing that happens here is waste of time and energy. You should be doing something productive but instead of that, you are wasting your time. You will start feeling worthless if you do such comparisons.

Focus on things you are good at and excel in it. No one is perfect, everyone has different interests so stop comparing yourself with others as it will only bring negativity to you. Some people compare themselves with the people who are doing badly with their lives. Suppose I secured 80 percent in my exam and another friend of mine scored 60 percent and seeing that I am feeling happy because I am superior in this case. Now I don’t know the reason behind her low grades, it may be because she is good at sports and she is playing at the national level and so she is unable to study or whatsoever is the reason. Your happiness should not rely on others.

You should not be happy or sad comparing yourself with others. Instead of that, you should compare with yourself as your interests are different, your goals are different. Look how much you have progressed or evolved after a month or year and if you are still at the same place, please go out of your comfort zone and try out things you always wanted to. In order to achieve something, you need to keep track of what and how you are doing not about what others are doing. If you have a goal to achieve, divide it into parts and work on it daily, be so busy living your life that you don’t have time to compare others. Keep an idol in front of you as motivation instead of comparing and I can guarantee you will go far away.

Positive effects:

1. When you see someone doing better than you, there comes a hope that you can also do that. It takes hard and smart work to achieve anything. There is nothing impossible to do but it depends upon interests.

2. When someone pokes you with the things you can’t do, it indirectly encourages you to do something remarkable and show others that you can also do it. It can help you set new goals and targets. Due to competitiveness, you push yourself more to do better.

3. Comparing your life with the people who have harder times than you can help you feel better. You will have gratitude for what you have.

4. Comparing to your role model will give you motivation and a pathway on which you can walk. Everyone’s path to reach a goal is different but a role model can inspire you to achieve what you want to accomplish.

How to stop comparing

Negative effects:

1. When children are compared with others it will increase rivalry, they will feel insecure and they’ll start distancing away from people and their parents.

2. Constant comparison can diminish the self-confidence of a person and usually kids. They’ll start feeling that they are not good at anything and this may hinder their growth. Due to this, they will not try anything and this will lead to a carefree attitude.

3. Comparing yourself to others will make things difficult for you. You will become sad, incapable of doing anything which will lead to misery and pain. Instead of that try hard work which will make you reach goals.

4. While comparing your lives with others we forget that everyone has problems in their life which you don’t know. So don’t think that a person has a perfect life. Our struggle defines who we are. So next time, know what the other person has gone through while comparing your lives.

Conclusion:

You can be anything but you can’t be everything. When you compare others you are comparing their best features against your average feature. If this happens it will lead to self-destruction. Not just children but parents also need to understand that their children are not decorative pieces to know everything. Every child has different interests and you can’t force them to do a thing just because you like it or others are doing it. Moreover, people won’t see what are you doing or what are you good at. They’ll compare and judge you by the things you don’t do.

The Power of Flow

You are doing some work and then your phone pops with a notification, you check your phone and it’s a message from your loved one/best friend and you keep on chatting with them while doing your work. Such things happen every time for example you are eating food, watching television, and using the phone at the same time. We, humans, think that we are good at multitasking but is it true? Let us find out. According to psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, we should concentrate only on one thing at a time and develop a “Flow” in whatever you are doing.

What is Flow?

Think of the thing you enjoy and like to do the most whether it is painting, singing, etc. Because you love doing that thing you get completely immersed in it without having a second thought. Hours pass like minutes and you are still not bored of doing it. The experience itself is so enjoyable that you will do it even at great cost.

How does the flow develop?

The flow develops by concentrating on the task you love and pouring your soul into it to complete the task. But when you are multitasking you are unable to concentrate on one task which wastes your time and energy. When you are doing your favorite thing time flies by but when you are doing something in which you are least interested, time stops by. This is because you develop flow while doing your favorite tasks so do such tasks more often and focus on one task at a time.

Perks of Concentrating on a Single Task

• Concentrating on a single task helps you achieve flow more easily and it increases your productivity. While multitasking your productivity decreases by 60 percent even if you don’t feel like that.

• You’ll rarely make mistakes by focusing on a single task whereas you tend to make more mistakes while multitasking.

• You’ll feel calm while doing a single task whereas you get confused and stressed while doing multiple tasks at a time. You do so many things at a time and you need to control everything where you’ll tend to make mistakes.

• When you focus on a single task you are totally into the task which increases your creativity as you are not thinking of anything else at that time.

• Practicing this will always keep your mind focused on a place; you will live in the present moment without worrying about the past or future.

Strategies to maintain the flow

1. Choose a task that is neither difficult nor easy for you to do. If you are doing a task which you know very well you’ll get bored easily. If you are good at painting and start doing the painting of the same style you’ll get bored and try to look for something different. In the same way, having zero knowledge about something will also bore you. Suppose you are reading a book related to Zoology but you don’t know anything about it you’ll be bored. So choose tasks leveling up the difficulty step by step which will make you complete it. Try to slowly incorporate things into your life that seemed impossible.

2. Learn to concentrate on a single task. The greatest obstacles we face today are of technology which comes with so many distractions. Your phone is continuously popping notifications and you forget what you were doing. If you have to gather information on a topic and you are using Google you’ll probably end up searching for different stuff. Technology is great if you have control over it. We think that multitasking will save our time but scientific evidence shows the complete opposite of it. Switching between tasks wastes your energy and you are not able to focus on a single task. According to Csikszentmihalyi, in order to focus on a task, you need to be in a distraction free environment or to have control over what you are doing at every moment.

Ideas to keep yourself focused

1. Don’t look at the phone screen for the first hour when you wake up and before going to bed.

2. Turn off your phone while working or keep it on silent mode.

3. Train your mind to be in the present moment.

4. Whenever you get bored do meditation, go for a walk, painting or anything that fascinates you.

5. Work in a place where you don’t get distracted.

6. Give yourself a reward after completing a task.

Meditation is a way to train our mind to be in place and an exercise for our mental muscles. Meditation calms and soothes our minds. But when heard about meditation everyone has a question “What’s the right way to do it?” Just focus on your breath, God, or anything else. Thoughts are going to come so let them come and go. Apart from that have a goal or meaningful desire to accomplish as your goal will make you do things.

Conclusion:

Multitasking will waste your time and double your work so focus on a single task and be productive. Achieving flow in work helps you to concentrate and excel in work. Do small things each day that will take you out of your comfort and keep moving forward. Focus on the process, you will automatically get results. Many great people know the power of flow and they have poured their lives to achieve their goals. Focus on the things you love, create a flow in it, and keep growing.